Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
