Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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