I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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