Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
