omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
