im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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