i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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