Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
