non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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