It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
