I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
