We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
