It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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