I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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