You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
