??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
