She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
