I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
