proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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