I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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