Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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