I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
