Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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