life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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