we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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