ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
