rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
