he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
