There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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