He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
