So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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