god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
