We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
