if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
