So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
