just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
