stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
