Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
