Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
