Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
