Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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