You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
