My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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