from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
