Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
