Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize