btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
