apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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