Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
