I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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