dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
