he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
