Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize