You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
