can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
