I molested 6 butterflies tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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