Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
