Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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