So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
