I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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