There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
