He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
