you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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