the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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