I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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