One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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