You're so nebulous sometimes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
