consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
