remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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