drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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