Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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