She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
