"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
