He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
