Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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