I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize