I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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